Amanda O'Banion

dear landen / you are 30

Today you turn 30.

 

Thirty years. Where does the time go? I can imagine you as a little boy, your big eyes taking in everything around you with the same curiosity I see reflected in your eyes today.  I can see you as a toddler, much like our own sweet Adeline and your little mini-me.  I can see you running around jibber-jabbering away to anyone who would listen.

Fast forward a few years and now I see you in the grocery store, as your mom has told me so many times, and you are checking all of the vending machines for money that someone else has left behind, definite signs of your very frugal adulthood. 

Your high school days were spent mostly on the run. Literally. Between cross country and basketball your days were full of activity. You excelled at cross country and went on to get a scholarship that sent you to Cumberland College.

I can imagine you on your first day of college. Scared, and wanting to go home, but so full of ideas for what you could do during your four years in that place and thinking of all the ways to make those ideas happen. I can see you meeting you new people, chatting them up in the cafe or the Grill. Passing people on the via-duct and waving a friendly hello. I can see you rushing to practice so that you weren't late...again. I can see you studying your bible in your dorm room and asking God to show you what He wants for your life. 

I love thinking about what you were like before I met you. Sometimes I wonder just how much our little girls are going to be like you.

When I look at you now, I imagine you taking in all the wonder of new things with our own little girls. They share your big, curious, eyes and I can see the same curiosity reflecting in their eyes that I imagine you had at their age. I imagine you taking them to the grocery store and teaching them to look for the best price...not on the sticker, but the best 'unit' price. I hope you teach them to have your frugal ways unlike their Mama.  I imagine you running around the neighborhood with them helping them develop their stride and breathing techniques. I imagine you sitting with them doing school projects helping them develop ideas and find ways to make it the best project ever. Leave Mama to do the pretty stuff, you will always be the engineer in our family. 

You are 30.

You have lived 30 full years full of lots of exciting things. But you are just beginning. You are still growing, and wondering, and inspiring others around you. You have many more friends to meet, and things to see for the first time. You have more miles to run. You have accomplished much in your first 30 years, as many people will attest to both personally and professionally, but you have much more to accomplish.

You have more studying to do, both academically and biblically.  You have so much more.
Thirty seems like such a big number, and while it is, it represents so much in both of our lives. As exciting as your 20's were, I can't wait to write you your 40 year old letter and see all of the fun and exciting blessings you received in your 30's.
Live strong darling, these are the best years of your life.
Love,
Your Sweetpea

dear landen // i adore you

Landen,

Can you believe that we have 3 week old? It seems like yesterday that I was sending you a text message telling you that my water had just broke. I was so excited, and nervous, and all I wanted was you. 

I don't know if words can adequately describe the thanks that I have for you. I could say "Thank you" a hundred times a day. I could brag about you to every person I see. I could do all these things and I still wouldn't feel like I had done enough.

Throughout our relationship you have always been the "strong" one.  When something goes wrong, or something is scary or hard to deal with, when I am being a complete and total spazz, YOU have been the one keeping me grounded. You help me see reality and face facts instead of living in a fantasy world. At times we come to odds about certain things (cough, cough 'money' cough), but I know that you only want the best for us and for our family.  That's who you are: a protector and provider of all that you hold dear.

Adeline's birth day was a game changer in our relationship though. Not only did it change us as individuals, but gone were the days of it just being "the two of us". I think I began to realize driving to the hospital that this was it. These were our last few minutes of Landen and Amanda. Yet even then, our thoughts were already turning to Landen, Amanda, and Baby. 

I remember seeing your face when you pulled into the parking lot at school to pick me up and take me to the hospital. There was a sense of nervousness, a sense of excitement, and that same determination that you get when you know you have a job to do and the responsibility to do it right.  I remember laughing on the way to the hospital because we hit every single red light and then had to stop for gas because we wouldn't have made it if we didn't.  I remember how you were calmly and secretly keeping track of my contractions and when I started having some stronger ones you let me know that they were about 5 minutes apart. I thought to myself "wow, he's really on top of this". 

When you dropped me off at the Dr's office and went to park the car, and I waddled upstairs, I remember you watching me the whole time you were driving away.  You were right there waiting for me when I came out of the restroom and never left my side while I was being checked, rolled across the parking lot, and admitted into the hospital.

During the whole labor process you were my rock. You went from being squeamish about needles and all things bloody to holding my hand and talking me through both my IV and then my epidural. You watched my contractions come and go and stood by me during the more intense ones letting me know that they were almost over.  Even when we weren't touching physically, your presence in the room was all that I needed to get through all the exams, pokes, and prods.  

Even though I could tell you were anxious about what was happening, you never let on. When my heart rate and blood pressure started dropping and I was put on oxygen, you acted like everything was normal and that there was no cause for concern. When we started talking about a c-section and the fact that Adeline's heart rate wasn't doing what they wanted it to be doing, I caught a momentary fear in your eyes, but you never let me know it.

After being wheeled into the operating room, you were all I wanted. I remember asking them where you were and being assured you would be right in once they got me all prepped and ready. I remember thinking to myself how handsome you looked in your hospital attire and that I was so proud to see a camera around your neck! (Remember, I was kinda loopy, the thought that I was about to be sliced open wasn't really a big deal at this point.)

Hearing the sweet words "It's a baby girl!" couldn't have sounded any better coming out of anyone else's mouth. I am so glad that we got to have that moment. 

I remember watching you take Adeline from the nurse like you were a seasoned pro. Gone was the nervous man who wouldn't hold a newborn baby for fear of causing some tragic accident. You held her like you had been holding babies your whole life. You watched them staple me back up and counted with them to make sure they didn't leave any foreign objects inside. You went through all the reflex testing before the nurses could to make sure that your baby girl was doing what she was supposed to be doing. You were a rockstar.

Telling our families together was an incredible moment. It made it even sweeter to see that our sweet baby girl is your spitting image. 

In the days and nights to follow you completely knocked me off my feet. Between changing diapers (which you swore you'd never be able to do without throwing up, yet you changed your first one without any help from me or anyone else and without being asked), and getting up to feed her while I was having to supplement so that I could sleep, you showed over and over again that you were in this for the long haul. You continued to be my rock and yet when we found out about her Jaundice and her weight loss you had genuine concern and asked questions that I wouldn't even think of asking. 

Those few moments after finding out that her jaundice has worsened and that she was still losing weight, when we held each other and cried and prayed for our little girl; I won't forget those moments. I won't forget how excited we were when they told us we could take Adeline home. 

I won't forget the care that you showed me when we got home. Not only were you taking care of Adeline, but you made sure that I had everything I needed, both physically and emotionally. When I cried for absolutely no reason other than I needed to, you held me and talked me through it. When Adeline woke up at 2:00 in the morning you didn't even nudge me but got up, fed her and changed her and put her back down. You anticipated my every need and did it before I could ask.  I don't think I would have made it through that first week without you. In fact, I know I wouldn't have.

I can honestly say, that I am more in love with you now, than I ever was before. Some can say it's a different kind of love, and perhaps that's true. I love the way you look at your daughter, the way you hold her, and the way you run straight to her as soon as you walk through the door. But I also love the way you look at me, the way you still ask me if I am feeling okay or if I need anything. The way you take the initiative to change her or feed her without being asked. I loved you as a man. I loved you as a husband. I adore you as a father.

I know that soon the newness will wear off, that the "honeymoon" period of parenthood will come to an end. But one thing I know will not change. My love for you will only continue to grow. I thank God for you every day and I hope that you can feel the love I have for you. I hope I am showing it to you each day. 

I love you, period. 

dear landen // happy anniversary

Yesterday was our 4 year wedding anniversary. Can you believe it? Four years! I know that everyone keeps saying "Wait till it's 24 or 34 or 54", but I think we are doing great just as we are! I am so thankful that God decided to place you in my life when I least expected it. Just when I had decided to give up on dating for awhile; to let God do the work and create in me the girl He wanted me to be; just when I had decided I was fine being single...God decided it was time to give me you.

Remember how I struggled over the decision for months? I had made a promise to God that the next guy I dated would be the one I was going to marry. Remember how patient you were as you courted me and prayed with me and respected the time I needed to decide what to do. I think those were some of my favorite months. From March to August you stood patiently by, not knowing for sure if anything would ever happen between us, taking a risk. I'm so glad you did.

Remember that first summer. Talking till late into the night even though we both had to get up early to go to work. I remember getting those butterflies every time I saw your name pop up on my phone. I remember when my parents agreed to let me go on my first date with you. To a wedding in Hamilton, OH. Isn't it funny that God placed us 3 years later in house less than 1/4 of a mile away from the church where the wedding was held.

I remember that first date. I was still so unsure if this was the plan God had for me. Did I like you? Absolutely. It was probably growing closer to loving you. But I was so scared to break my promise to God that I just kept praying and you kept waiting. I remember when we were driving home and you held my ring finger. You said you were protecting it for the man I was going to marry, even if it wasn't you. I'm so glad that it was you.

I remember on August 25, 2o05 when I called you and told you that I had something important to say. I told you that I was finally sure that God wanted me to be with you. I remember asking you if you knew what that meant. That if I knew God was telling me to be with you, then that mean't that God was telling me I was going to marry you. I was scared of what you were going to say when faced with the actual reality of it all. I acted confident, but I was scared silly. I remember how you got a little teary-eyed and said "You have no idea how long I've been waiting to hear you say that."

I love you.

(first picture together)

January 26, 2006 came and so did our engagement. I remember being so surprised when I looked up and saw those words on that old marquee.

Shocked by the actuality of it all, but even more shocked that you remembered a conversation from when we first met the previous March; walking down the street in a big group after BCU and I made the remark to everyone how I thought it would be so romantic to be proposed to on that marquee. Good one.

I remember how exciting it was to show of my ring and then the next day to see that they had changed the sign to say "She said yes!".

I'd say it over again any day. I also remember how I taped over the recording of the proposal accidentally. I felt so bad.

Wedding planning started pretty quickly even though we still had a year and a half to wait. We knew it was important to wait till you had graduated. In May when you graduated and got your job at the bank as a loan officer I couldn't have been more proud.

I also remember how crazy I became the summer before our wedding because of a certain medication I was on. You must have had the patience of Job to deal with me cause I sure wouldn't have. Thanks for still being there to calm down my irrational worrisome antics.

June 2, 2007 rolled around and with it came the best day of my life. The day I married you. Remember how we woke up so anxious for the day to get started. I remember that you never called and I got my feelings hurt so I finally called you and you were like "I thought you weren't allowed to talk to or see the bride before the wedding." I thought that was hilarious. I remember the jittery feelings I had waiting outside the door of the sanctuary. Waiting to hear that familiar wedding march, waiting to see you. I remember your face. You looked so happy to see me. I think it was at that exact moment that I knew I had found my perfect match. It truly was the happiest day of my life.

Since that day, 4 years ago, we've done a lot. We celebrated our first anniversary not long after we moved to Ohio. Remember eating our wedding cake a year late. I sure do. Yuck!

We've both graduated college, we moved from KY to OH and added a cute little schnauzer named Abbey to the mix. We've went to ball games, and musicals, and every fair or festival in our area. We've had our ups and we've had our downs. We've went from an apartment, to a house, and we're fixing to move to another house. We've seen births and we've seen deaths, and we've been beside each other through them all. I couldn't think of anyone else that I would have liked to share this crazy thing called life with. And I'm glad that on March 31st, 2005 God decided to place you at a table with my parents, on a random night that I just happened to be singing at school, and that you had the courage to come up and talk to me afterwards.

I love you Landen, and I'll always love you.

Promise Promise.

Love,

Me